What are our values based on?
In this book Mark Says that "Good values are 1) reality-based, 2) socially constructive, and 3) immediate and controllable. Bad values are 1) superstitious, 2) socially destructive, and not immediate or controllable. For much of my life, I based my values on superstition, trying to please an invisible God based on ancient text, my family, and community. And in doing so I was out of touch with reality, I often judged others in socially destructive ways, and thus missed opportunities for friendship and growth. Understanding now more about human evolution and how the brain works (which is not always reliable!) I can see humans with all our faults in far more understanding, accepting, and shall I say forgiving ways. I am even more tolerant of religion than I was when I was religious! I know it doesn't work for everyone that way, there are many wonderful, caring, tolerant people who find things of value in religion. But there are also judgemental, intolerant, self-righteous assholes in religion. I often tended toward the later. Which brings me back to the book: "When we have poor values - that is, poor standards we set for ourselves and others - we are essentially giving fucks about the things that don't matter, things that in fact make our life worse. But when we choose better values, we are able to divert our fucks to something better - towards things that matter, things that improve the state of our well-being and that generate happiness, pleasure, and success as side effects." "This, in a nutshell, is what 'self-improvement' is really about: prioritizing better values, choosing better things to give a fuck about. Because when you give better fucks, you get better problems. And when you get better problems you get a better life." I got a much better life by focusing more on the reality of this life, rather than on a hoped-for better life with no sorrows or pain after I die. I am learning that those struggles and working to overcome them as odd as is sounds are really what makes life worth it and brings happiness. It's still a work in progress, it will be until the end.
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